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If there is one thing that brings dissatisfaction in marriage, it’s a lack of sex. We see it in comments on iMOM and on our site for dads—All Pro Dad. Most marriages don’t start out with spouses disinterested in being physical with one another. So how do married couples go from hot and heavy to having a severely diminished sex life? Certainly, adding kids to your family presents challenges. However, with an intentional focus, challenges can be overcome. In many cases, it comes down to our habits.
A couple years ago, I started keeping a pack of Cokes under my desk. In the afternoon, my energy fades, so I got into the habit of popping a few Cokes to keep me going. Not surprisingly, I gained around 25 pounds. I’ve since made it a habit to drink eight glasses of water a day. Instead of drinking Coke in the afternoon, I take a walk to keep my energy up. I’ve lost a good amount of weight and feel healthy again. Our daily habits matter. They make a huge difference in our overall health and the health of our relationships. There are bad habits we develop that kill our sex lives. Here are 8 of them.
Having sex is like working out. It takes energy, initiative, and sometimes planning, but your marriage will be more healthy when it’s happening regularly. Both spouses should do what they can to make it happen. You may be tired or fear being rejected, but don’t stop initiating sex.
Sex can become predictable after a number of years. It’s easy to fall into a habit of doing the same old, same old. It may be time to switch things up. Change the order, get adventurous, and try new things.
3. Not Taking Care of Your Body
This is more than just exercising and eating healthy, both of which can be huge factors in impacting a married sex life. However, you and your spouse should go to the doctor at least once a year to monitor your overall health and stress levels. Recently, a friend told me she was having a hard time with lower libido and depression. By visiting the doctor, she learned her body wasn’t producing enough progesterone. A simple fix turned things around.
4. Lack of Communication
One of the first things to suffer from a lack of communication in a marriage is a couple’s sex life. Never stop communicating. Share your emotions, fears, and hurts. Talk about your relationship often. Talk about your sex life, what you like, and what turns you on. Talk during sex (men love that). Whatever you do, never stop communicating.
5. Lack of Sleep
These days, the only time we have to ourselves is after the kids go to bed. It’s tempting to stay up late and sleep too little. But that lack of sleep increases anxiety and possible depression. Our overall productivity drops along with a healthy libido. Make sure you and your spouse get plenty of sleep.
6. Thinking and Speaking Negatively
Thinking and especially speaking negatively about yourself or your spouse is like throwing cold water on sexual excitement. Be kind to him and to yourself regarding physical appearance and attractiveness. When people don’t feel good about themselves, they are less enthusiastic about having sex. Build a habit of thinking and speaking positively.
7. Co-Sleeping with the Kids
In my opinion, it’s okay occasionally to have a child sleep in your room. If a child has a nightmare or is scared by a thunderstorm, it’s fine to give him or her a sense of security. However, when it is a habit, it becomes a problem. Your bedroom needs to be reserved for you and your spouse.
Some people have claimed that porn saves marriages, but no data supports it. What the data does support is that for every claim of marriage being “helped” by pornography, thousands of marriages and lives are destroyed by it. It is dangerous and divisive and if you or your husband are struggling with it, you are not alone. Do what you can to get help and break the habit.
Sound off: What habits have you started that have helped your sex life?