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Marriage is one of the toughest activities to participate in especially in Nigeria where we have our own cultural norms. It is easy when the participants involved come from the same tribe or ethnic group unlike two people from different tribes. Another factor that is a big problem is educational status and the experience of the participants.
There are certain important questions that should be answered before you go ahead to get married or at most immediately after you tie knots. It is important everybody understands the rules and regulations. Do not be carried away by “I love you” and then forget yourself.
A lot of these questions has destroyed relationships, broken homes and even led to death. There are cases of husbands killing their wives or vice versa for questions that were not discussed in the course of the relationship. A banker was killed by her husband over such issues.
The mistake most couples make is assumptions. They believe their companions ought to know the rules and regulations. They may know but do not really take it seriously as you want to. Marriage has no formula because what works in one family might not work in another but it is very important that rules are set down.
Some of these important questions are:
1. Can you still have opposite sex friends?
Some say yes…because many friendships are platonic. And some say no…because it’s a set up for infidelity or it’s disrespectful. What do you think? What are the boundaries?
2. How much time should you spend with your single friends?
Some would say single friends are nothing but trouble for married people because of the season they are in and the undue influence. Others say it doesn’t matter because friendships shouldn’t have to end once someone gets married. What’s the compromise in your mind?
3. Should you tone down your sexy?
Some say if I work for it (or bought it) I earned the right to show off all my sexy. Others say when you become a wife or husband you should tone it down so as to not get that kind of attention. Y’all tell me…what do you think?
4. Are conversations with exes still okay?
Some say he or she might be an ex, but now their relationship is strictly that of friends. Others say once you cross that line there isn’t any un-crossing it and being friends with your ex isn’t cool. I’m sure there isn’t a one size fits all answer, but I’m interested in hearing thoughts!
5. Should your spouse have access to all your social media and passwords to your phone?
Some folks think being married is not synonymous with forgoing all privacy, while others say once you’re married there is no privacy between spouses. I’m sure y’all have some opinions on this one!
6. What time is it “disrespectful” to come back in the house?
If you have a boys’ or girls’ night out is there a married people’s curfew? Some say like your mama used to say that “ain’t nothing good happening after midnight in the streets!” Is there a time that coming in after gets to be “disrespectful?”
7.Can you still go out of town without your spouse?
Should you be going on girls’ and guys’ trips without your spouse? Should you be going to social events out of town without your wife or husband by your side? Some say for sure and others don’t like it. What do you think?
8.How much sex should be expected?
Some people say if you get married sex should be on the table at any time, while others say it’s unreasonable to expect sex numerous times during a week because of work, kids, responsibilities, and just being tired. How come frequency of sex seems to be such a big issue?
9.How much marital business should be shared with friends or family?
Some people think it’s okay to vent to parents, siblings or friends about strife going on in the marriage while others say everything that happens in the marriage should stay between the husband and wife ONLY. This one causes all kinds of arguments so what’s the answer?
Share your comments so that we can all learn.