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Family Defection

Memoirs of Krakpor

Family Defection

Nigeria is a very unique country with so many turns and twists. You will not believe what happened yesterday. I was in my house jeje (quietly) waiting for community shield match between Manchester United and Chelsea when my phone rang. I picked it to check the caller’s name and it was my cousin, Okuokoko. I immediately knew the reason for this call so I thought. It was our quarterly family meeting in Orile Iganmu, Lagos. I ignored the call. I can’t miss this match today.

After several calls, then he sent me a text “Krakpor, you need to come now or else you no go get any family again”(Krakpor, you will not have any family again). It was then I knew that there was something serious. I dialed Okuokoko’s number.

Krakpor: Koko, na which kasala don burst for there? (Koko, what is the trouble there?)

Okuokoko: Bros, na Family Defection dey happen now (Brother, there is a family defection)

I ended the call immediately. In no time I was at my uncle’s house. What welcomed me were the shouts and some grammatical bombshells between Uncle Independence, Uncle John and his son Ogogorobiko, who was the treasurer- “Ogogo, you can’t fit”, “I can fit”, “Over my living dead body”, “I am defective and nobody can stop me”.

It was Okuokoko who gave me the full gist. The treasurer of the Yevwevwe Family Union (made up of uncles, cousins and aunts) was told to give accounts of the family contributions/dues but instead he came up with excuses. After so much pressure he finally brought out the books and it was discovered that the amounts with him did not balance with what was written in the book. It then resulted to serious argument and the next thing he told everybody that he has defected to another family.

He was told to repay all monies that he had spent but he said no. According to him, the rules of defection states that “Once you defect, you can drop everything except the phones, cars and cash because you have you used it personally so it belongs to you until your tenure ends”. He further went on to site an example of those Governors that have defected did not vacate their positions or return the aforementioned things.

I have not been able to sleep since yesterday because I am checking the Nigerian Constitution, Law books, Political science books and sociology texts on the rules of defection and if there are any provisions or sections on Family Defection.

Warri no dey carry last (Warri don’t come last in any event).

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