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Family Relationship Transitions-The way to go

The Smooth and The Violent Transition

Family Relationship Transitions-The way to go

I grew up to obey one rule when it involves an elderly one and the younger one- Irrespective of who is at fault, the younger party must apologize. Elders don’t apologize. So many times, we find elder brothers/sisters bullying younger siblings but yet it is always the victims (the younger ones) that are made to apologize. A man will hurt his wife badly and when she complains, she finds herself in deep trouble if the man takes it to the family for judgment. The woman must pay a fine. It is a must from a region like the south-south region of Nigeria.

One would think that as civilization has crawled into our societies some of these one-sided rules would have changed or re-adjusted, but you will be shocked that it is in full gear. However, inasmuch as majority of the people still practice this tradition becomes it is in their favour, some are changing the story. The major promoters of the new order are the former victims of the old system. They have experienced deep hurt and have now grown to understand how one feels when you are been hand-twisted to apologize as a victim.  The story is not to spare the rod but to know when the use of the rod is no longer necessary and all you need is to allow them make their decisions. Stop turning them to slaves.

The transition between Uncles and Nephews, Elder brothers/sisters and Younger siblings, Parents and their children etc is either smooth or violent. The smooth cases involves respecting the other parties because it is clear that they are of age and can actually support themselves. CONTROL is not the keyword here but INFLUENCE. What the elderly one needs – is become friends with the younger ones in order to guide them. Breaking them will only result to a violent transmission as soon as they start to become independent.

Father and Son

Violent transitions should be avoided because if not handled well, it will result to serious enmity between the parties involved. It could lead to breakdown in communication, hatred and destruction of family ties and bonds. This type of transition is mostly common between elder brothers/sisters and their younger siblings. Most parents often notice the signs (independence, rebellious behaviors etc) earlier and tends to enter into a smooth transition gradually to avoid losing them except for a few parents who still want to show supremacy. The elder brothers/sisters only see such signs as impunity and so control is their weapon. They believe they are in charge of steering the boat whether it is your favour or not.

Elder sister fighting younger sister

There are those elder brothers/sisters who want to tell you how to run your marriage affairs. They control your homes and in most cases destroy your relationship between you and your spouse if not checked properly. The best solution is to alert the players and dialogue or else violent transition is the only way to free you from bondage.

Time is what normally heals the wounds suffered by both parties in Nigeria because most of the elderly ones never want to let go their pride or accept a change.

 

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