Going Back to Your Ex can create more pains than the first heartbreak.

Relationship Matters

Posted  222 Views updated 10 months ago

I can never forget the advice given by a female colleague some years ago when she said “Never go back to an ex that you left because of a certain habit. They still harbor such habits because habits are hard to let go”.  A lot of people find themselves getting hurt even more painful than the first time when they go back to meet an ex.

Cynthia was dating a guy for years with plans of getting married to him when she found out that he was cheating on her with several girls. She broke off with him and they parted ways with Cynthia heartbroken. After two years, they were back together again when he came begging, crying and telling her how he has not been the same ever since she left. He told her that he was now a changed man and a good Christian. Cynthia got the shock of her life barely four months into the rekindled affair when he found out that her boyfriend was dating a girl he introduced to her as a cousin.

She was given the beating of her life by the boyfriend when she tried to complain and fight the girl. She was not only beaten but was pushed out of the house into the rain. There are so many people who make such mistakes. Going back to an ex is not advisable especially if it has to do with characters and behaviors. An ex that is a chronic cheat will not change easily from that kind of behavior. It has to be a gradual process.

One of the mistakes most people make is that they feel they can change someone easily. Most people will pretend just to make you happy. I have a friend who can beat a chimney in a smoking competition. He told me that his wife thinks he has stopped smoking but never knew that he can’t part ways with his best partner (cigarette). He said he has special gums that he takes to mask the smell and has new pack of shirts in his car as well as a bag of towels, soaps and perfumes. After work, he has a place that he goes to drink and smoke. He takes his bath, refreshes himself and waits for two hours to before going home. He avoids kissing his wife.

You had an ex who tells lies without flinching an eyelid or a quarrelsome person and you believe such a person can just change overnight? You are making a big mistake. A man who can beat his girlfriend in public will do worst when you become his wife. The world is big and there are so more than 20 people designed to value your friendship. So going back to an ex is not advisable as you might end getting more hurt than the first time when you parted ways.

There are few cases where such relationships can work but it is rare. If the relationship was dissolved based on naivety or lost of contact and the love is rekindled it may work but when it is character or behavior related, and then let everybody go look for other partners. Never allow yourself be coerced into getting back through family or peer pressure because none of this group of people will join you to bear the pains. Some might even end up adding to your pains by castigating your going back.

It is better to forget that past relationship and focus on a new one. Learn from the mistakes of the past so as to avoid them in the new relationship.


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