He Promised to Change but He still hits me

Relationship Matters - Domestic Abuse

Posted  94 Views updated 23 days ago

Jane (not real name) is at the verge of a divorce with her husband. A lot of women have been imprisoned by so many lies that they accepted during courtship. Jane’s husband was hitting her during courtship but anytime she threatened to leave him, he would go on his knees and cry like a baby with the promise of changing. They had gone to a church where the prophet had told them that it was spiritual. After several nights of prayers, things had become normal until he started hitting her again. They had been married for five years.

One grievous mistake Nigerian most girls make is accepting to remain in abusive relationships. Some will endure and believe that their partners would change when they eventually get married. Others are ready to take the beatings because of the material things they stand to lose if they leave. There those who continue to endure these abuses because of their children. Some don’t want to their children to be victims of a broken home. Like so many other girls, Jane thought her husband would change for the better one day until she had to file for a divorce after she lost a tooth.

Habits formed over the years are hard to change. From day one that you experience abuse, quit the relationship. Funmi could not leave her boyfriend because of the gifts he kept showering on her. According to her, he was an angel but with a dark side. The only way he enjoyed love making with was only if he beat her mercilessly. After the abuse, he would give anything she wanted. Funmi said she had told him that she could not take it anymore and was going to quit the relationship but he begged that he would change. Today, Funmi is already 5 months pregnant for her boyfriend who had told her that he was not yet ready for marriage. The reason was that he promised himself that he would not treat his wife in an abusive manner and since he is yet to get his fill of his fetishism style of love making, he was not ready for marriage.

There is no changing in the behavioral pattern for domestic abuse. The earlier the better you quit such a relationship before it gets out of hand. According to Steve, his father told him that beating is a way of getting your partner in line. So he grew up with that mentality of beating his girlfriends at least once or twice in a while when there is an argument. He said he has decided to remain single for now because he is scared of beating his future wife. It has not been easy trying to change that mentality. He said he had watched his father beat his mother from his teenage days because of her cantankerous behavior. He said most men that beat their partners have had some bad experiences in life such as coming from abusive homes. He learnt the habit from his father who even encouraged him to beat his sisters at will.

When you start noticing the abusive nature of your partners, it is better that you begin to stay clear of the relationship. Also check his family background and how he grew up. Don’t jump into marriage because of greed or because some religious man tells you that he will change after some prayers. It is a psychological condition. A lot of guys never seek for help because they believe it is normal. They don’t see it as a negative habit so seeking for help would even aggravate the anger in some cases especially when it is their partner that brings the suggestion. There are cases of women beaten to death by their partners.

Your life is not worth the stress. Pull out fast.

Photo Credit: Focus on health


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