Duoye Diri, the Bayelsa state governor-elect has been sworn in as governor of the state. He was sworn in this evening at a ceremony by the state Chief Judge, Justice Kate Abiri, who administered the oaths of office and allegiance on Diri in the Government House, […]
James was based in the UK while his lovely wife Victoria and their four kids were based in Lagos, Nigeria. James always visited home at least 3 or 4 times every year. He had a business in the UK and opened a boutique for his wife to keep her busy. The plan was for him to buy get his papers and then buy a house before bringing his family over.
After 8 years, James finally got his prayers answered. He came back to Nigeria with plans of relocating. His wife’s boutique was to be given to her sister who would manage the business for her. As part of the procedures, James was to do DNA tests for his four kids which he would take to the embassy for their visas. When James had gone to collect the results, he got the shocker of his life. Two of the kids were not his.
A heartbroken James left the country with the two kids that were his and vowed never to come back. He sold off the boutique and told Victoria that it was over. The question is who do we blame?
There are a lot of marriages that are across continents which are faced with threats of failures and heartbreaks. T he man will be away for years and they still expect to meet the woman the same. A friend of mine told me about a neighbor whose husband was serving a jail term of 10 years in a UK prison for drug related crimes. The woman is still waiting while visiting different religious men to pray that her husband comes back safely. A lot of Nigerian girls for the love of money jump into marriages with guys who come from outside the country without investigating or doing proper checks as to what they do. The lure to travel out of the country for greener pastures leaving your spouse for years is something one should consider before embarking on such journeys.
There is this case of a makeup artist who was doing very well in her business and then decided to go to the USA for a course. On getting there, she was always communicating with her husband until recently when she told the man that she was not coming back. She abandoned her only child with the husband. She has now remarried an old man.
Marriages across continents especially for the spouses based in Nigeria always result in:
- Loneliness – Most times, the involved parties are lonely especially the women. The presence of the man is needed especially when you know that he is somewhere and not dead.
2.Promiscuity – The slogan “Body no be firewood” comes into play. There are lots of women or men who become promiscuous when their partners are not around. They look out for younger boys who do not want commitment and lure them with money and gifts as they have access to enough cash.
3.Lesbianism – Some of the women in order not get pregnant become involved in lesbianism and other sorts of pleasure deriving practices.
4.Lack of security – The presence of the husband is very key. Majority of the women lack protection and security. In some cases, they can be easily harassed by the opposite sex because they see them as single mothers without a man to protect them.
5.Denial – Most of the women with spouses outside the country are often denied certain services. A very good example is when they want to get an apartment to rent especially on the mainland with traditional Landlords who will always ask for the presence of the husband. Some landlords don’t give out their houses to women whose spouses are outside the country for fear that there will be delay in rents and other payments associated with the property.
6.Financial concerns – In cases where the woman is fully dependent on finances from the spouse abroad, there are issues especially when the money does not come regularly. There is a woman whose husband had been away for more than 13 years that always bear the burden of taking care of her four kids. There are times the kids are sent away from school because of school fees as the man is yet to send money
7.Lacks of Parental roles – Children are like wet cement, it is what falls on them that will stick especially if it is not picked off. It is very difficult for one parent to take care of a child. Everything is not about money, attending the best schools or eating well, it is about parental guidance from both parties. At times it is even difficult for some parents who are both present not to talk of the head of the family that is away.
8.Vacuum of absence – There is no doubt that children will not fill the vacuum of the non-availability of one of their parents. Most of these kids become victims of ridicule and bully from peers, school mates etc who have equally noticed the absence of either the father or mother during meetings.
Credit: Featured photo -MG Hardie